誤魔化すことができない

誤魔化していると、それなりに満足感が得られるから、ついつい同じことを繰り返し、それがクセになり、今度は誤魔化している自覚さえも、そもそも誤魔化していると思っていないから、それで満足感が得られるから、ドーピングをしているようなもの、結果に満足してしまうと、それが大事か誤魔化しているのか、脳はそこまで区別できないらしい、だから、自己暗示もできるし、誤魔化しも止められなくなり、何とか欲は、例えば、物欲や食欲や性欲などは、誤魔化す元をオブラートに包んでいるだけで、今が一番大事、がキーワードらしい。

一昨年、福井の永平寺で少しだけ坐禅体験をした。永平寺は曹洞宗の大本山であり、曹洞宗の坐禅は壁に向かって行うのたが、雲水と呼ばれる修行僧が行う坐禅の真似事を、そこだけ、まるで、パラシュートでいきなり中心地に降り立つような感じでやってみた。

それは、大阪から北陸へ行く用事があり、途中の福井で下車し、日本酒の黒龍を楽しんだ翌朝の出来事、前々から、永平寺で坐禅修行をしたい希望があったが、その時の季節は真冬、たまたま大雪が降った直後、とりあえず、早朝に向かったが、驚くほど移動手段が限られ、結局坐禅の時間に僧堂にいたのは私一人だけ、案内役の雲水さんとマンツーマン、座るだけのためにここまで来たかと思うと、とても貴重な時間に思えたが、坐禅をしながら、なぜここにいるのか、と考えていたことも思い出した。

別に、その時に答えが出た訳ではないが、何か一枚一枚剥ぎ取り、その時はすでに誤魔化すのが上手くなっていたから、欲が身体の外へ出ていくような感じがした。

ほんとは誤魔化さない方が良いのに誤魔化すのは、ほんとは食べてはいけないのに食べるようなもので、その方が気持ち良く、満足してしまうからだが、その満足感が虚しいと思いはじめていた時の坐禅は、静寂で誤魔化しようが無い、誤魔化すことができない張り詰めた空気を感じるための時間だったような気がする、おかさまで。

"I can't be deceived"

If you are deceived, you will get satisfaction as it is, so you repeat the same thing, it becomes a habit, and even now, even the awareness of being deceived does not think that you are deceiving in the first place, so you get satisfaction So, if you are satisfied with the result of doping, or if you are satisfied with the result, it seems that the brain can not distinguish so much whether it is important or misleading, so you can also suggest self-implied and it will not stop Somehow, for example, greed, appetite, sexual desire, etc. are the keywords that are the most important now, just by wrapping the elements that become deceptive in oblates.

Last year, I had a little zazen experience at Eiheiji Temple in Fukui. Eiheiji Temple is the main head of the Soto sect, and the zazen of the Soto sect is directed toward the wall, but the imitation of the zazen performed by a monk called Unsui is just like a parachute and suddenly descends to the center. I tried it.

There was a business going from Osaka to Hokuriku, getting off at Fukui on the way, enjoying the sake dragon of the next morning, there was a hope to practice Zazen at Eiheiji Temple, but the season at that time was midwinter, Immediately after the heavy snowfall, I headed early in the morning, but surprisingly the means of transportation were limited, and I was the only one who was in the monastery at the time of zazen, as a guide, Unsui-san and one-on-one, just to sit It seemed like a precious time when I came here, but I also remembered why I was here while doing zazen.

Apart from that, I didn't get an answer at that time, but I felt like my greed was going out of my body because I had already peeled something off one by one and at that time I was already good at becoming a demon.

It's better not to be deceptive, but it's like eating when you really shouldn't eat it, because it makes you feel more comfortable and satisfied, but when you start thinking that the satisfaction is empty Zazen is quiet and can't be deceived, it feels like it was time to feel the tight air that can't be deceived.